Don't ever change who you are for someone else

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There will come a time in your life, maybe more than once, when the need to belong, to fit in, to be liked, will outweigh everything else. Stronger than the need to understand yourself and who you truly are. As long as you are allowed into the group, invited into the world of the cool girl in class, catch the attention of the boy you never thought would notice you, and above all, feel that you are part of something.   The quiet, desperate longing will grow so powerful that you begin to give pieces of yourself away without even noticing. At first, it is only a small piece, folded carefully and hidden inside the little box you built for yourself. The place where you store the parts of you that do not quite fit. The parts that feel too inconvenient. Too much. Not cool enough. Not easy to love.

You begin to adjust. A habit you change. An opinion you soften. A laugh you learn to fake. 

All in the hope of fitting in. Of being chosen. Of belonging. And slowly, without noticing, the box begins to fill. And with every compromise, every silence, every version of yourself you abandon, you begin to erase who you are. 

And one day, you stand in front of the mirror and realize you no longer recognize the person looking back at you. All you know is that this version is liked, accepted, and that's all that matters.

So you ignore the quiet discomfort. The constant tiredness in your chest from performing, from carrying a role you have learned too well. You ignore the way it drains you to pretend you enjoy things you don't, to talk and laugh about things you don't care about, to shape yourself into someone easier to accept. In that moment, none of it seems to matter.

And I understand that. I understand choosing them over yourself, because the thought that they might not love the real you if they truly saw you is unbearable.

But you forget that the person you are truly hurting is yourself. And one day, you will feel it. Like an explosion inside your chest. Like something within you is finally breaking free, the real you, the one that has been silenced, hidden, folded into that little box you built for yourself. 

Because one day the box will overflow and you will no longer be able to hide. You will have to choose yourself and finally let yourself be seen. 

And sometimes the hardest choice you will ever make is to choose yourself. Because if you don't, your soul will slowly begin to die with every part of yourself that you try to push down into the box. 

I know it's hard. Because choosing yourself means accepting that the relationships you built while abandoning yourself will change, and that is both heartbreaking and terrifying. Suddenly, you risk standing completely alone, facing the very thing you feared most.  Choosing yourself also means facing the disappointment and the truth you have tried to avoid for so long. The heartbreak of all that you gave and did for them. The crushing realization of how long you lost yourself for something that was never meant to last.

And then comes the hardest realization of all: that they never truly knew you, the real you. Which also means they never truly loved you. Because if they had, you would never have had to push away every small part of yourself just to be enough.  It may not feel like it in the moment, while you are moving through all the emotions, through everything that could have been, everything that never became. But choosing yourself, stopping the act, and finally allowing yourself to be who you truly are will be one of the best things you will ever do. 

Because when one door closes, another one opens. That will always be true, even if it doesn't feel true right then. 

You will become more open to what truly matters to you. You will create space for new friendships, new relationships. Ones where you don't have to shrink, perform, or pretend. Ones where you are allowed to simply exist as yourself.  And the more you come to know yourself, the less frightening loneliness will become. It will no longer feel like the worst thing you could face. It will become something softer, something you can hold, something that no longer defines you. 

When you reach the other side of it, you will feel an immense relief, as if a weight has finally been lifted from your shoulders. Because you will have learned how to live in your own truth. 

If there is one thing I want you to remember, it is this: You were made uniquely. There is no one else like you. You are valuable exactly as you are. So never change who you are for someone else. Be willing to lose someone, but never be willing to lose yourself.