Don’t make someone else your safety net - Be your own

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Life has a way of surprising you. One moment, everything feels aligned, you're happy, secure and moving through life with ease. It almost feels unreal, but you let yourself enjoy it while it lasts. Then, sometimes without warning, life shifts. You find yourself in a season that feels heavy, confusing and painful enough to make you question life and everything you thought you knew. 

Over a lifetime, you will experience both. Joy and loss. Stability and uncertainty. That is unavoidable. What is within your control is how prepared you are to stand on your own when life changes. 

You can't control everything that happens to you, but you can learn from your experiences, from the stories of those you love, from your mistakes, and from both the good and the hard seasons in your life. And through it all, I hope you never give up on yourself. I hope you find the strength to keep going. But most of all, I hope you never make someone else your safety net. Never build your happiness, security, or sense of self on another person. Be your own. 

This doesn't mean you have to become hyper-independent or refuse help. It doesn't mean you shouldn't trust, love deeply, or lean on others when you need to. I come from a culture where community matters, where we support one another, where the saying “it takes a village” is lived, not just spoken. But support and dependence are not the same thing. 

You can love someone and still choose yourself. You can be supported and still remain independent.

Don´t lose yourself by handing over control of your life to someone else. Don´t abandon your dreams, your goals or your ambitions. Go after what you've always wanted, get the education, build the career, take the trip, create the life you dream of. Whatever it is, make sure you are able to give it to yourself. Never give anyone so much power that they can stop you from becoming who you are meant to be or take away your independence. 

Life has a way of surprising you. Make sure you have something of your own, something to fall back on if everything falls apart. This isn't about expecting the worst. It´s about creating security for yourself, no matter what season you´re in. 

Don't wait until something happens that forces you to figure it all out when it's already too late. Because when the arm floats you thought would save you breaks, you still need to know how to swim. 

Independence is often misunderstood, especially when it comes to women. It’s sometimes mistaken for egoism, distance, or a lack of commitment. But independence is not about pushing people away or refusing connection, it’s about responsibility. It’s about taking ownership of your life, your choices, and your future, so that love becomes something you choose, not something you need to survive.

And marriage doesn't change that. Being married does not mean giving up control, handing over everything, or shrinking yourself. You are meant to be a team, a partnership built on love, trust, openness and respect. Leadership does not mean dominance and unity does not mean losing yourself. You deserve to be equally informed, equally involved and equally respected in your home and in your marriage. 

I have deep respect for women who choose to be housewives, it is work, sacrifice and devotion. But it should never come at the cost of your independence. Be involved in the finances. Make sure your name is where it needs to be. Understand your rights. Know what you own. Talk to professionals, such as a lawyer, who can guide you. Awareness is not distrust, it is self-respect. 

No matter how loving or secure your relationship feels, nothing in life is guaranteed. Loss doesn't always come through betrayal or divorce. Sometimes life simply takes the people we love. Life took my father away from my mother, leaving her alone with two twin girls, and we are still here today thanks to her. You cannot control that. But you can make sure that you are never left without ground beneath your feet.